#0 - Nov. 12, 2006, 6 p.m.
Greetings, readers, and welcome to Faine's Beauty Tips for the Living Impaired.
Now I'm sure you must be thinking that your life is over, now that you're dead and rotting. Believe me, however, being dead does not mean you have to be ugly. In fact, you can be the prettiest corpse in the graveyard and I'm here to tell you how.
First of all, remember your moisturizing creams from when you were still alive? Toss those. Cast them aside. Moisture is your enemy now. After all, the last thing we want is to rise from the grave with a fresh stubble of fungi covering your features, now would we?
Second, remember to always wash up in the preservative fluids you find liberally provided in the undercity trenches. It might stink a little, but remember that if you don't bathe, YOU will be the one stinking! And I mean decay.
Now this might sound rather counterproductive at first, but make sure you tear your dresses and pants around the elbows and knees. Now before you start screaming, let me explain why you do this:
The most of the forsaken are prone to go out and do physically-active tasks, and that puts sone considerable wear and tear on our bodies, in particular the bendy bits. The flesh is quick to wear away from our joints there, exposing the bones.
I can already hear some people wondering 'Why not cover those unsightly exposed bones with some cloth then, instead of tearing away the covering like you suggest?'. Well, the answer is quite simple and a quite practical one; when you're swinging a sword, an axe, twiddling with your wand, or whatever, you absolutely do -not- want any cloth to get stuck in your joint! Not only does this lock up your limb and make you end up looking rather foolish, but it also increases the chances that the limb will just.. fall off!
And believe me, once the limb has left you, it's so very hard to reattach it.
Anyways, it looks like I'm out of space for today, but join me next time when we discuss fingerclaws and saltblocks. Bye-bye now!
--Faine
