#1 - April 1, 2015, 9:17 a.m.
New Feature: T.I.N.D.R. Box
- Upgrade your level 100 Followers with this new item and allow them to search for true love!
- Read more on this upcoming feature in our recent announcement.
New Master Looting Options
- To alleviate social issues related to the Master Looter functionality, we've expanded the option to offer four distinct choices:
- Master Looter
- Unchanged
- Submissive Looter
- As the Submissive Looter, you'll sign a contract with your raid allowing you to explore your boss-killing desires safely, with due respect and regard for one's needs, one's limits, and one's well-being.
- Per contract, you'll be given whatever loot the rest of the raid decides you get, and say thank you. Raid members can decide whether they like the gear you're already wearing and, if not, demand that you disenchant it.
- A new Safe Word option can be set through your Battle.net account settings that immediately ends the raid upon entering it into chat.
- Master Looter
- The Raid Leader agrees to divvy up loot more or less fairly, but will make catty comments about how this raid group will give loot to "just anyone".
- Note: This setting will also auto-whisper raid members as they join that if they don't like it, they can lead their own raid.
- No different from Master Looter, but everyone keeps asking for it, so here you go. Knock yourselves out.
Warcraft: The Movie: The Game: The Movie
- In a world with nombre warriors, spirit healers, and arcane powers, a movie industry is brewing. Catch your favorite Warcraft characters acting as other Warcraft characters in a fictional world within a fictional world in Warcraft: The Movie: The Game: The Movie.
General
- In addition to the items you forgot to pick up, the Postmaster will now mail you special offers on great deals from various vendors around Azeroth.
- In addition to the recent inclusion of account-wide ignore, the game will now also present a series of flashes and symbols to make you forget the ignored user ever existed. We promise not to use this for any other reason, as far as you know.
- To curb confusion over whether to call them Undead or Forsaken, Sylvanas's faction is now simply referred to as Walkers.
- We accidentally put The Dance Studio back in the game for a little while, but it's been removed again. That was a close one.
- Twitter integration now has a 50% increased chance of making you feel out of touch with whatever the hell kids are doing these days.
- Patches will now be given titles that are more appropriate for today's internet audience, beginning with Patch 6.2: Conquer the Iron Horde Using This One Weird Old Trick.
- All active World of Warcraft subscribers are now also game design interns. Please be sure to use the correct cover sheets for your DPS reports. Also, we're gonna need you to come in on Saturday, mm'kay?
- We've checked on the members of the band Fun, and they are alive and well despite forum claims to the contrary.
- The Hybrid Tax has been reworked and is now a Hybrid Rebate, providing state funded incentives and cash back at participating dealerships on approved credit.
- These patch notes were written by lead game designers, producers, engineers, and artists, instead of having them work on important new changes and features.
Forums
- Kierkegaardian Vote System: You can now expand the down vote display to see who down voted a post, then choose whether or not to down vote their down vote. The end result is that nothing changes. There are two possible situations—one can either do this or that. Our honest opinion and our friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it—you will regret both. It's like, the tyrant dies and his rule is over; the martyr dies and his rule begins.
- Nothing after this bullet matters.
Races
- Draenei
- Gift of the Naaru now actually gives other players a gift. However, as beings of pure light, they probably got you a rainbow, or something? You should make them a list.
- Gnome
- Gnomes can now equip and wear goggles regardless of class or profession requirements. However, the goggles do nothing.
- Human
- Every Man for Himself has been redesigned. It now grants Humans a third trinket slot.
- Orc
- Orcs now receive a state-funded rebate for being more "Green".
- Walker
- Corrected an error where Walkers were able to gain benefits from eating and drinking.
- Worgen
- All Worgen characters must now wear a collar and carry around little blue baggies.
Classes
Death Knights
- Mastery: Blood Shield has been renamed to Mastery: Health Shield, because ew.
- Breath of Sindragosa is now minty-fresh.
- Bone Shield: Now with 50% more calcium!
- The Death Knight unique skin colors have been made darker in response to player requests for darker Knights.
- Dark Simulacrum is now 37% easier to pronounce.
- Mind Freeze now renders the target unconscious and causes them to slowly turn to ice, unless you erase their memory of the incident and spend the rest of your life in seclusion.
- Outbreak no longer applies Blood Plague and Frost Fever. Instead, it applies a new, airborne version of a virus first encountered 30 years ago. Enemy players will have to work together to develop a new serum to cure the virus before the military bombs the whole city.
Druids
- Balance has been redesigned. The damage you deal is now variable, based on the current number of threads on the forums demanding nerfs or buffs.
- Remove Corruption can no longer be cast on the members of your guild's loot council.
- Cyclone is now dispellable, but only by other Druids.
- Druids in Tree of Life form will now bear fruit.
- The Moonkin model has been updated, but it's too adorable to kill, so we aren't going to implement it. It's pretty great, though.
- Gift of the Wild has returned. It now causes the casting Druid to leave a freshly-killed bird or rodent on the doorstep of the target player's Town Hall.
- New form: Meatsquatch. Transforms the caster into a creature that's half hamburger, half Yeti. Abilities include "Devour Meat" and "Sabotage Cooking." MEATSQUATCH!
Hunters
- Seem fine.
Mages
- Alter Time will now automatically update for Daylight Savings.
- Overpowered has been nerfed for obvious reasons.
- Blink's tooltip has been updated to: "Teleports the caster directly into the nearest rock, shrub, or fence." Functionality unchanged.
- Due to drought, Conjured Water is now being rationed.
- Invisibility can now only be used when no one is looking, including the Mage.
- Mage Armor has an even newer, more unique icon.
- To better illustrate the difference in effectiveness, Fireball has been renamed "Ball of Fire", and Pyroblast has been renamed "Great Ball of Fire." Goodness gracious!
- Despite their many heroic deeds over the years, player Mages are still nowhere near as cool as Jaina or Khadgar.
- Seriously, did you see what Khadgar did with the dam in Tanaan Jungle?
- All of the elements were like FWOOOM and then he threw them at it like KAPOW and all the water went WOOOOSH.
- It was awesome.
Monks
- Crackling Jade Lightning still exists.
- Serenity now causes the user to don a brown coat and get really sad about Wash.
- Storm, Earth, and Fire has had its powers magnified, and can now be used on a total of 5 targets. Because of this change, it's been renamed to "Earth, Fire, Wind, Water, and Heart."
- Monks can now activate a brief montage cutscene that shows their character farming materials for flasks and food, reading up on boss encounters, and practicing their rotations, instead of having to actually do any of those things.
- Monks now automatically Roll everywhere instead of running while out of combat.
- Energizing Brew has been renamed to Red Ox. The effects remain the same, but it gives the Monk wings when activated.
- Abilities without the words "Chi" or "Zen" in their name have been fixed to correctly have one or both. Enjoy Spinning Zen Crane Chi Kick.
Paladins
- Empowered Seals no longer causes the user to belt out "Kiss From A Rose" at the top of their lungs.
- After several years of deliberations, the Templar has finally reached a Verdict.
- Inquisition is back. Isn't that surprising? No one expects Inquisition!
- Blinding Light now causes affected players to rev up like a deuce, whatever that means.
- Execution Sentence has been commuted and replaced with Life Imprisonment.
- In an effort to provide a friendlier image, the Order of the Silver Hand has designated several Raids, Dungeons, and Battlegrounds as "Judgment-Free Zones." While in one of these zones, all Paladins will have their Judgment spells disabled.
Priests
- Leap of Faith can no longer be used on players channeling Hearthstone.
- Leap of Faith can no longer be used when the Priest is standing next to a cliff.
- Leap of Faith can no longer be used on players on or near elevators.
- Priests are now 80% less annoying.
- Spirit Shell now melts in your mouth, not in your hand.
- Spectral Guise no longer summons a bunch of creepy ghost dudes to follow you around. We misread it, sorry.
- Angelic Feathers can now be used to tickle sleeping party members.
- Instead of granting vision of the surrounding area, Mind Vision now allows the Priest to look into their target's deepest thoughts. Not recommended for use on King Varian. Dude's got issues.
Rogues
- After earning enough Combo Points, the Rogue's next finisher will include fries and a drink.
- Distract can now be used on people who write patch no... ooh, shiny!
- Due to Ravenholdt's increased need for secrecy, all further Rogue updates will be presented using invisible ink.
Shaman
- Grounding Totem now causes party members to reflect on their life choices and consider that maybe quitting their job to write that novel wasn’t the best idea.
- Capacitor Totem is what makes time travel possible.
- Lightning Bolt can now only be cast while moving. Stopping or standing still will interrupt the cast.
- Using the /kiss emote on Hexed targets will now cause the effect to end immediately, and you're just going to have to live with that.
- New ability: Water Shock. Used by chefs to keep noodles from overcooking.
- Ascendance will now properly make the Shaman gradually ascend in the air during its duration.
- Tremor Totem now has a chance to summon a giant worm and/or Kevin Bacon.
- Bloodlust has been renamed Heroism.
- Heroism has been renamed Bloodlust.
- Unleash Life, uh... finds a way.
Warlocks
- Cataclysm has finally upgraded to Warlords of Draenor.
- Due to the events in the Warlords of Draenor Opening Cinematic, Mannoroth's Fury is significantly less furious.
- Warlocks can now find and complete an epic, 47-step quest to earn Chromatic Fire. Finally, you can experience the true essence of the Warlock class: Rainbows!
- Chaos Bolt can no longer be targeted. Chaos Bolt does what it wants. You're not Chaos Bolt's dad!
- Dark Soul has been completely redesigned and made way more difficult to use, but we're not going to tell you how. You're going to have to figure out Dark Soul for yourself.
- In addition to no longer generating Burning Embers, Rain of Fire no longer deals damage.
- The Destruction passive Backdraft continues to remind you of that weird Kurt Russell movie about firefighters.
Warriors
- Hamstring has been removed and replaced with a new ability called Ham Sandwich. Sorry about that, one of our designers got hungry.
- Spell Reflection. R, E, F, L, E, C, T, I, O, N. Reflection.
- Warriors who use Whirlwind immediately after Bladestorm will get really dizzy.
- Gladiator Stance has been made 55% more entertaining.
- Due to increased concerns from their coworkers, all Warriors are now required to take Anger Management.