This is it, maggots! You’ve trudged through mud, weathered snowy conditions, fought and lost to a tiny puppy, and endured countless bumps and bruises this past year as part of your training. I’d be remiss if I didn’t admit that I’ve been a wee bit proud to watch you grow. No, I’m not verklempt! There’s just something in my eye—look away!
The time has come to put you to your final test. A test so immense, your survival is nigh impossible . . . so immense, I will likely end up selling your dead bodies to the ogre clans in Tanaris so they can make new pelts to cover their huts. Are you ready to see if you’re capable of taking your training to the next level?! I can’t hear you!!
Gather nothing, and leave your valuables and perishables at home—you’re off to Silithus to endure the final test of your basic Pet Battles training. Alone! Once there, you will survive off the land, sleep on the cold, hard ground, eat what you can find, and try to endure the most difficult gauntlet of challenges you’ve ever faced. At dawn tomorrow, you’re to go into the Ruins of Ahn’Qiraj and take out every living creature inside. If you happen to make it out in one piece, then it’s off into the Temple of Ahn’Qiraj to obliterate anything that moves. Yes, even the Twins!
When you’re done there, you’re to hike your way through Un’goro Crater and bivouac at the edge of an area called the Noxious Lair. On the second day at dawn, you’re to get up and begin the part that’ll test your endurance, patience, and will to survive. Try not to stare at Crithto’s pink bow while he explains your ultimate goal.
Crithto: Payne must be blind because I’m clearly wearing a fez. Uhem . . . you tamers have done a great job these past 12 months of training. Now’s the time for you to earn one of the coolest rewards out there for all your hard work: the Silithid Hatchling! Found in Tanaris only during a sandstorm, this tiny creature ventures outside the hive to catch a gritty breath of dusty air once in a blue moon. You may have to wait, and you’ll only have a short amount of time to find this rare-quality pet, but the payoff will be worth it. Once tamed, you can look forward to decimating your opponents by coupling abilities like Swarm and Devour, or supporting your team with Hiss and Sandstorm. Like the image warns, don’t fall asleep with one of these nearby. You’re likely to wake up with an ear canal full of eggs!
As reluctant as you may think I am to say it, I am proud of you maggots. So proud, in fact, that if you’re able to triumphantly return from this final challenge, I shall bestow upon you a new moniker: Tamer. Just know that to become a true Master Tamer like me, you’re first gonna have to stay alive, and then continue on with Major Payne’s Advanced Pet Battles Training! Are you excited? I’m excited!
GET OUTTA MY FACE AND INTO SILITHUS!!