Help
Regional FlagClasses, ordered by how metal they are. (Show MVP Posts)Source
avatar
Kerrath
Target Source
#1 - 2013/03/18 06:45:00 PM
I have taken the time to organize this game's classes in order of how metal they are. The highest class on the list is the most metal class and the lowest class on the list is the least metal. Following the list will be explanations as to why I have placed them in this order. Discussion is accepted and if you wish to dispute my list and feel that one class or another is more or less metal than I have stated, feel free to do so. You will be wrong, but you have the right to be wrong and I respect your right to be wrong. For those of you looking to roll a new alt or starting the game, this can be a very useful guide for those of you who want to play a very metal class, or to help those of you too effeminate and squeamish to play a metal class.

CLASSES BY METAL
1 - Warlock
2 - Death Knight
3 - Warrior
4 - Priest
5 - Rogue
6 - Monk
7 - Druid
8 - Shaman
9 - Hunter
10 - Mage
11 - Paladin

EXPLANATION

Note: The first three slots are VERY close.

Warlocks are without a doubt the most metal class in the game. They dominate demonic forces and wield the powers of evil to rip the souls of their foes from them and burn them in eternal agony. I really don't think you can get any more metal than that. They dress like goth sodomites as well.

Death Knights are, thematically, a close second to Warlocks. They use the unholy and forbidden magic of death to crush their foes and are immortal juggernauts of darkness. One of their specs is named unholy and it is probably the most metal spec they have seeing as it makes you a lich lord who uses undead minions to conquer the world and leave nothing but disease and pestilence in their wake.

While Warriors are not fundamentally evil, they are fundamentally violent. When I think of a warrior, I think of a strong bearded barbarian who licks the blood off of his sword as sustenance and seeks nothing more than to live and die in the heart of battle. Everything a warrior does is about glorious battle, roaring and shouting while slaughtering everything in their path. In this regard, they are a very metal class.

You were probably surprised to see Priests this high on the list. This is because we always forget that priests don't always heal. Healing isn't very metal, after all. But some priests focus on the domination of the mind, whispering evil words to dissuade and scare their foes, leaving them full of doubt and weakness. That's pretty metal.

Normally, I would think of Rogues as petty thieves and nothing more, but not all rogues are simple swashbucklers and brigands. Some rogues live and die by the shadow. They stalk unseen and kill without a trace. This is a little bit metal.

By default, Monks are not very metal. They are a class that focuses on peacefulness and serenity, which are pretty un-metal. However, if you pretend that Brewmasters use mead instead of ale, then they suddenly become extremely metal. Mead is probably the second most metal drink ever, after human sacrificial blood, because viking warriors used mead, and they were the most metal humans in history.

The only correlation between Druids, Shamans, Hunters and metal is the fact that all of these classes are reminiscent of folk metal. Otherwise, they have no connection to metal. Druids are highest on the list because i like to imagine that they would one day make an "evil tree" glyph for resto druids that would make it so that they could be one of those gnarly badass trees from sleepy hollow that were scary and !@#$, which is actually kind of metal.

I placed Mages this low on the list because Mages are basically "warlocks for girls". Their spells are less visually impressive than Warlocks, and more importantly, they are afraid of the eldritch powers a Warlock wields. There is raw strength in a Warlock's evil magic, and Mages refuse to embrace it. For this reason, they are very un-metal.

Imagine if you will if they created a book. This book was like a dictionary. But whereas a dictionary describes what things are like, this book describes what things are not like. If you took this book and turned to the page on metal, then you would see Paladins. Paladins are, without a doubt, the exact opposite of metal. They are altruistic, kind, fair, selfless, and love peace. They have faith in a higher power and rather than try to dominate or defeat it, they allow it to guide them. Metal is not about being guided by a higher power, it is about crushing everything in your path and leaving nothing but bloody carcasses in your wake. I always imagine a male blood elf holy paladin fiddling with his hair and shying away from fights to see how pretty he can make his armor look, and that's not very metal.

Thanks in advance for reading this and I hope that you found it informative.

avatar
Community Manager
Target Source
#262 - 2013/03/19 01:21:00 AM
Ok, I need to disagree about shamans. Enhancement Shamans have electricity that builds power through their axe. That is pretty freakin metal.